How to behave: a pocket manual of etiquette, and guide to correct personal habits
you may call this book artificial but people in past did not leave anything to luck, We are free more than them. because most of us do not care about how other people think of us, but in past it was different.Someone has denned politeness as "only an elegant form of justice;" but it is something more. It is the result of the combined action of all the moral and social feelings, guided by judgment and refined by taste.
One cannot commit a greater mistake than to make politeness a mere matter of arbitrary forms. It has as real and permanent a foundation in the nature and relations of men and women, as have government and the common law.
The civil code is not more binding upon us than is the code of civility. Portions of the former become, from time to time, inoperative mere dead letters on the statute-book, on account of the conditions on which they were founded ceasing to exist; and many of the enactments of the latter lose their significance and binding force from the same cause. Many of the forms now in vogue, in what is called fashionable society, are of this character. Under the circumstances which called them into existence, they were appropriate and beautiful; under changed circumstances, they are the same absurd. There are other forms or observances over which time and place have no influence which is always and everywhere binding.
Politeness itself is always the same. The rules of etiquette, which are merely the forms in which it finds expression, vary with time and place. Sincere regard for the rights of others, in the smallest matters as well as the largest, genuine kindness of heart; good taste, and self-command, which are the foundations of good manners, are never out of fashion; and a person who possesses them can hardly be rude or discourteous, however far he may transgress conventional usages: lacking these qualities, the most perfect knowledge of the rules of etiquette and the strictest observance of them will not suffice to make one truly polite.
the book details :Author:Samuel Roberts Wells
Publication date: 1857
Company:London : Walter Scott Publishing
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Samuel Roberts Wells
Politeness itself is always the same. The rules of etiquette, which are merely the forms in which it finds expression, vary with time and place. Sincere regard for the rights of others, in the smallest matters as well as the largest, genuine kindness of heart; good taste, and self-command, which are the foundations of good manners, are never out of fashion; and a person who possesses them can hardly be rude or discourteous, however far he may transgress conventional usages: lacking these qualities, the most perfect knowledge of the rules of etiquette and the strictest observance of them will not suffice to make one truly polite.
Some contents:
INTRODUCTION.
Politeness Defined The Foundation of Good Manners The Instinct of Courtesy Chesterfield s Method The Golden Rule Utility of Good Manners Illustrated, Page 3
I. PERSONAL HABITS.
Where to Commence Care of the Persona Social Duty Cleanliness The Daily Bath Soap and Water The Feet Change of Linen The Nails The Head The Teeth The Breath Eating and Drink ingWhat to Eat When to Eat How much to Eat What to Drink Breathing Exercise The Complexion Tobacco Spitting Gia and Gentility Onions, &c. Little Things, 16
1I.-DRESS.
The Language of DressThe Uses of Dresg The Art of Dress The Short Dress for Ladies Working Dress for Gentlemen Materials for Dress Mrs. Manners on Dress The Hair and Beard Art v. Fashion Signs of the Good Time Coming, 31
III. SELF-CULTURE.
Moral and Social Training Language Position and Movement The Ease and Grace of Childhood Standing Sitting Walking Hints to the Ladies Self-Command Observation Practical Lessons,. .41
IV. FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES.
Manners and Morals Human Rights Duties The Rights of the Senses The Faculties and their Claims Expression of Opinions The Sacredness of Privacy Conformity Singing out of Tune Doing as the Romans do Courtesy v. Etiquette AH Anecdote- Harmony Equality General Principles are more important than Particular Observances, 4$
V.-DOMESTIC MANNERS.
A Test of Good Manners Good Behaviour at Home Teaching Children to be Behaviour to Parents Brothers and Sisters- Husband an^ Wife Married Lovers Entertaining Guests Letting your Guests Alone Making one " at Home" Making Apologies Duties oX Guests Treatment of Servants, 54
VI. THE OBSERVANCES OF EVERYDAY LIFE.
Introductions Letters of Introduction Speaking without an Intro ductionSalutationsReceptionsVisits and Calls Table Manners Conversation Music Up and Down Stairs Which goes First? Gloved or Ungloved? Equality False Shame Pulling out one s Watch Husband and Wife Bowing v. Curtseying Pres ents Snobbery Children, 63
Introductions Letters of Introduction Speaking without an Intro ductionSalutationsReceptionsVisits and Calls Table Manners Conversation Music Up and Down Stairs Which goes First? Gloved or Ungloved? Equality False Shame Pulling out one s Watch Husband and Wife Bowing v. Curtseying Pres ents Snobbery Children, 63
VII. THE ETIQUETTE OF OCCASIONS.
Dinner Parties Invitations Dress Punctuality Going to the Table -Arrangement of Guests Duties of the Host Duties of the Guests The " Grace" Eating Soup Fish The Third Course What to do with your Knife and Fork Declining Wine Finger Glasses Carving Evening Parties and their Observances French Leave- Sports and Games Promiscuous Kissing Dancing Excursions and Picnics Weddings Funerals .80
VIII. THE ETIQUETTE OF PLACES.
How to Behave on the Street Stopping Business Men on the Street Walking with Ladies Shopping At Church At Places of Amuse mention a Picture Gallery Travelling The Rush for Places The Rights of Fellow-TravellersGiving up Seats to the Ladies A Hint to the Ladies on Politeness Paying Fares, 95
IX. LOVE AND COURTSHIP.
Boyish Loves The Proper Age to Marry Waiting for a Fortune Importance of Understanding Physiological Laws Earnestness and Sincerity in Love Particular Attentions Presents Confidants- Declarations Asking " Pa" Refusals Engagement Breaking off Marriage 104
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Samuel Roberts Wells